She was a friend, seemingly nice and always loving towards Rach. I liked her, I was desperate for friendship in the realm of new mommy lonliness and she was really amazing to chat to. We grew close and after a few months of day to day friendship, I asked her to be Rachy’s godmother.
Before anyone throws tantrums my way, try to understand that I already know what you are thinking. Yes, I do know the definition of a godmother, yes, I did think it through, no, I did not do the right thing.
So, eventually the social butterfly I once called me friend was annoyed that I could not go out with her, picking Rach up when I had to meet unrealistic deadlines from my new job became a burden and her true colours showed.
She was young, selfish, gossipy – not at all the type of person I should have let near Rachy. She would never hurt Rach, that I know, but she was also never destined to be a permanent fixture in our lives.
What hurt most was that she used picking up Rach as a weapon to infer that I had used her. Now, if she was a mom she would understand a few things. She would understand that I would never want anyone else picking up my child from daycare, she would realise that I cried everytime I had to work slave labour hours at work, that I wished I could have a moment to paint my toes or have a glass of wine but would never ever choose that over drooly kisses and chubby hands. She would have known that I needed just a genuine, caring heart to be my friend, that when I complained of being tired I was just that TIRED…not annoyed or irritated…just tired.
I heard her web of lies through people who cared enough to tell me but by then I realised my mistake. Rach was robbed the opportunity to have someone love her. Former friend had not walked away from me, she had walked away from the purest little soul she had encountered.
So, when she attempted to reconcile a while later I rejected the idea. I fired her from our lives. I would not make the same mistake again. She would not be allowed to try to taint the reputation of a child again with the title of burden.
So, I learnt a valuable lesson, one I will probably always feel guilty about. But I guess its part of mommyhood – we go through the lessons that we hope they will never have to go through!
Rant over (this happened 2 years ago so this was well overdue and yes, I feel much better now!)