2

Letter to my Daddy on the morning of my birth – Love Your Son

Dear Baby Bump,

This is the letter Daddy Dearest got on the morning of November 28th as we waited for you to be born. We were so excited to meet you and you have far exceeded our expectations with the amazing light and experiences you have already brought to all our lives.

You arrived at 9:17am, 3.75kgs and 53cms.  Our hearts skipped a beat and continue to do so every time we look at you. 

” 28 November 2016

Dear Daddy
I cannot wait to meet you daddy
And have you guide me on
I heard your voice around me
Everyday before I was born. 
My feet are very little now
And I cannot run its true
But I look forward to walking along
This journey called life with you.
Mummy told me stories of how she met you 
And how she loves you more every day
And Rachy said that you’re the bestest daddy
That ever came her way.
I’m excited to say I’m almost there
I’m imagining you in my mind
I already love you daddy
God said you were mine to find.
I hope one day I am just like you
In every single way
And I hope we have tons of magical memories
Starting when I meet you today!”

Mwaaah!!! 

Mummy and Daddy

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4

10 things I had forgotten about newborns

Dear Pup,

So by now you have discovered and made peace with the fact that Baby Bump was not born ready to play. In fact he doesn’t really do much at this point  (he’s 8 days old today) except cru a bit, eat a lot, dirty lots of diapers and lie around looking cute).

You turn 5 in a month so mummy had really forgotten what newborns are like. Here’s what I had forgotten about newborns!

1) They are teeny tiny

You are little, 4 years old and gorgeous. I have always held  your hands and feet in my hands and thought how little you are. Now, as you hold your little brother I realise how really teeny he is (and you were smaller than him!)

2) They sleep – alot

When you were born I always felt I had no time but this time around it seems a little more (ok alot more) do-able. Baby Bump wakes and if we’re lucky we get 30min just to play with him, then he eats and sleeps pretty much for 4 hours until the cycle starts again. I’m actually relieved because I actually have time for either a really long nap or time with you if you are home from school.

3) They are born to be stared at

How we enjoy just staring at Baby Bump and his facial expressions. He is a natural entertainer with his cute smile and huge cheeks. He is even cute when he sleeps! You especially love the way his cheeks overflow when Mummy burps him – I used to love that about your cheeks too!

4) They poop and wee – alot!

Oh my word!! So many diapers and so few wipes!!! Baby Bump has already gone through a record numbet of diapers and wipes in his 8 days with us. No one is more shocked than you at the multi coloured contents of the diapers that you and Daddy Dearest watch Mummy change. How can so much come out of someone so little?

5) They are insanely manipulative (in the cutest way)

Baby Bump has  already figured out that it is easier to drink by bottle than mummy’s natural milk dispensers. He archs his back and cries and screams until he hears Daddy Dearest shaking the expressed version and then suddenly all tantrums stop – all hail the bottle! 

6) They always seem to cry or move when Mummy needs to eat

I’ve tested this and it’s true. Every mealtime is disrupted by Baby Bump waking up, cooing, needing a blanket, needing a blanket taken off him or similar. It’s like baby knows Mummy is about to relax!

7) They are incredibly soft

From the hair on their little heads to their chubby cheeks and down to their tiny little toes – babies are super soft. I had forgotten just how soft a human being could possibly be! All this results in more cuddles and more staring.

8) They re-unite you with people you haven’t heard from in years

All you need is one upload of a single photo and your social media accounts explode with well wishes from people you haven’t seen or heard from in years! Everyone wants to see more and hear all about him and your phone suddenly starts ringing! 

9) They make you fall in love – fast

I cannot explain it but it’s true. Once you hold your baby in your arms, it’s love at first glance. I always wondered how I would love Baby #2 when my heart was so full of you Pup, but it’s like your heart’s capacity suddenly doubles! 

10) They make you re- prioritise 

Suddenly doing the laundry is not as important as quiet time or cuddle time. WhatsApp messages go unanswered and the laptop gathers dust. Phonecalls are not always returned as quickly as they used to and life takes a slightly different turn. It happened when you were born Pup, and it happened again. Bringing a new life into the world means you are responsible for the people, the energy and the resources around that little person.

Can’t wait to share this with you one day when you are holding your own newborn!

Love you!

Mummy

 

2

What we have planned for the last weekend before your baby brother makes his arrival- Letters to my daughter

Dear Pup,

You woke up earlier than usual this morning and we had some extended cuddles and lots of kisses. We pushed Daddy Dearest to the very corner of the bed and we laughed and played until we had to get up. You asked me what the surprise was (it is surprise Friday after all) as your reward chart is full of smily faces for this week.

I smiled and told you you would see later….you have no idea what is in store for you. See, it’s your last weekend of being the only child and mummy at first wanted it to be just you and mummy and Daddy dearest until I realised this weekend should  be all about fun things you love to do.

Friday:

Mama arrives!!!!! (Indian word for uncle) – mummy’s brother. What an awesome surprise and he’s bringing Splendid Sammy with too!!! You have no idea that the house is about to be filled to the brim with people who love you insanely and are here just to pamper YOU! They have taken time off during exams, pleaded with their new jobs and the like to make sure they are here for you, my love. 

Saturday:

A day full of make-over fun, from nails to hair! Then to the park and as much ice cream as you can eat! Pyjama party to follow and more cuddles!!! Baby brother got you a little surprise for the pyjama party ….it’s a mermaid tail blanket….!!!

Sunday:

More people you love are coming over. Aunty Bestie and family will be here too! It will be loud and busy and amazing….just the way you like it. 

Mummy will not have to say “I can’t do that baby” because someone else will be there to bend over and help you with that or carry you when your legs are tired.  You will have an amazing weekend not because Baby Bump is coming but because you are just amazing!

Hope you enjoy the love and attention.

Love you!!!

Mummy

0

Letter to an Absent Mum: How our daughter’s are shaped by how we mother them

Dear Pup,

Being a mummy is not learnt, although it does help to have a glowing point of reference! This one is for those mummy’s who are awesome mum’s nevertheless! Whether your mum was not there at all – or absent but present, this one’s for you.

Mistakes are normal and ultimately our aim is to create children who are whole – not broken.

Dear Mum,

I am not upset or angry, mum

I just feel it’s time you knew, 

What effect your unconscious actions had

On a little girl without a clue.

Ever the optimist, eager and young,

I waited anxiously to see

If I’d ever truly be good enough

If you’d  ever love me for me.

I used to watch you wow the crowds,

Giving strangers and your work their due,

And all I wanted honestly, mum

Was a little piece of you.

You say you’ve never had a mother either, 

The pain’s evident in your eyes.

But you carried your pain into my life

And I’m not sure if you really realise.

I was 13 when you read my diary

And labelled me fast and loose,

You made a big deal and told dad as well

Between my truth and yours, you made him choose.

When I was 16 you stole more promises,

And aired them out to dry,

You sold each teenage wish I had

You watched silently while my self confidence died.

At 18 I left and to Uni I ran away

To start new and fresh 

And still you didn’t believe I could

You often doubted my success.

I’ve tried in vain to win your love

To be your golden little girl,

The child I thought you wanted me to be

I tried to project to the world.

I stand before you now,  mum,

After huge leaps in love and life.

A successful woman finally proud of herself

A doting mother and wife.

You’ll  be proud to know I’ve  broken the curse,

I hold my daughter close and tight.

I’ve  never uttered an awful word

I’ll  protect her all my life.

I make sure I tell her everyday

The words I longed to hear,

I tell her I’m  her biggest fan

I’ll brush away her fear.

I’ll  teach her to love her little brother

Who’s actually 26 weeks on his way,

Not to compete for our love or affection

Our devotion is here to stay.

I’ll  teach them to honour relationships

To see good in strangers and in friends,

To not be angry and lash out at the world

When things come to an end.

I’ll  admit I’m  wrong when I am,

And never blame my kids for where I am in life

They will never be asked to explain or solve

My anger and my strife.

I’ll  be their mum with all that I am

I’ll  be their strength and their soft place to land,

And I will never make them feel

That I do not care or don’t  need to understand. 

I will never betray their trust

Or lay their secrets out to dry,

I’ll  never prioritise their woes above mine

Or purposefully make them cry.

We’ll show them what a family is actually  meant to be

We’ll  create those family bonds and make them strong

We’ll make them care about how they feel, and not care about what strangers see.

The Silent treatment is a weapon mum,

Which I choose not to use or repeat.

Writing this was emotional mum, it was not an easy feat.

Take the words as they are meant to be

Not a weapon or meant to hurt,

But my way to heal those open wounds

And to tell you what I’ve  learnt.

See, you really did teach me mum,

And now to share with you

Its not that tough to be a mum

It’s not in what you buy, it’s  in what you do.

No learning needed, no tests to pass

No multiple choice to ace.

Just joyous smiles and sticky kisses

Motherhood’s  a journey, not a race.

K

9

Why I fired my daughter’s godmother

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She was a friend, seemingly nice and always loving towards Rach. I liked her, I was desperate for friendship in the realm of new mommy lonliness and she was really amazing to chat to.  We grew close and after a few months of day to day friendship, I asked her to be Rachy’s godmother.

Before anyone throws tantrums my way, try to understand that I already know what you are thinking. Yes, I do know the definition of a godmother, yes, I did think it through, no, I did not do the right thing.

So, eventually the social butterfly I once called me friend was annoyed that I could not go out with her, picking Rach up when I had to meet unrealistic deadlines from my new job became a burden and her true colours showed.

She was young, selfish, gossipy – not at all the type of person I should have let near Rachy. She would never hurt Rach, that I know, but she was also never destined to be a permanent fixture in our lives.

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What hurt most was that she used picking up Rach as a weapon to infer that I had used her. Now, if she was a mom she would understand a few things. She would understand that I would never want anyone else picking up my child from daycare, she would realise that I cried everytime I had to work slave labour hours at work, that I wished I could have a moment to paint my toes or have a glass of wine but would never ever choose that over drooly kisses and chubby hands. She would have known that I needed just a genuine, caring heart to be my friend, that when I complained of being tired I was just that TIRED…not annoyed or irritated…just tired.

I heard her web of lies through people who cared enough to tell me but by then I realised my mistake. Rach was robbed the opportunity to have someone love her. Former friend had not walked away from me, she had walked away from the purest little soul she had encountered.

So, when she attempted to reconcile a while later I rejected the idea. I fired her from our lives. I would not make the same mistake again. She would not be allowed to try to taint the reputation of a child again with the title of burden.

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So, I learnt a valuable lesson, one I will probably always feel guilty about. But I guess its part of mommyhood – we go through the lessons that we hope they will never have to go through!

Sigh!

Rant over (this happened 2 years ago so this was well overdue and yes, I feel much better now!)

K

1

My angels in heaven….everyone deserves to have a story

My beautiful Rachel,

So you asked for a little brother or sister recently. You came prepared with all the reasons why and even offered to share your toys with them. I wasn’t sure if I should cry or nod politely so I smiled and offered you an Oreo instead.

See baby, the truth is you have 2 siblings but they live in heaven. The first one chose to stay in the fluffy clouds 8 months after you were born. Mummy thinks that he just didn’t feel like leaving then. The second only just recently got his wings. When you are older and maybe a mummy yourself (I know that seems a loooong way away), it will be easier to understand. So understand – when mummy and daddy squeeze you just that little bit closer, when you wake up and I’m cuddled in bed next to you with tears coming down my face and when we won’t let you go without saying I love you, it’s because we know that your soul fought to be here!

So, pup, mummy doesn’t know if you will have a brother or a sister in the near future but I do know that you have 2 very special angels guiding you.

Parenthood is not easy pup, but it’s worth every minute.

Mummy loves you!