She was a friend, seemingly nice and always loving towards Rach. I liked her, I was desperate for friendship in the realm of new mommy lonliness and she was really amazing to chat to. We grew close and after a few months of day to day friendship, I asked her to be Rachy’s godmother.
Before anyone throws tantrums my way, try to understand that I already know what you are thinking. Yes, I do know the definition of a godmother, yes, I did think it through, no, I did not do the right thing.
So, eventually the social butterfly I once called me friend was annoyed that I could not go out with her, picking Rach up when I had to meet unrealistic deadlines from my new job became a burden and her true colours showed.
She was young, selfish, gossipy – not at all the type of person I should have let near Rachy. She would never hurt Rach, that I know, but she was also never destined to be a permanent fixture in our lives.
What hurt most was that she used picking up Rach as a weapon to infer that I had used her. Now, if she was a mom she would understand a few things. She would understand that I would never want anyone else picking up my child from daycare, she would realise that I cried everytime I had to work slave labour hours at work, that I wished I could have a moment to paint my toes or have a glass of wine but would never ever choose that over drooly kisses and chubby hands. She would have known that I needed just a genuine, caring heart to be my friend, that when I complained of being tired I was just that TIRED…not annoyed or irritated…just tired.
I heard her web of lies through people who cared enough to tell me but by then I realised my mistake. Rach was robbed the opportunity to have someone love her. Former friend had not walked away from me, she had walked away from the purest little soul she had encountered.
So, when she attempted to reconcile a while later I rejected the idea. I fired her from our lives. I would not make the same mistake again. She would not be allowed to try to taint the reputation of a child again with the title of burden.
So, I learnt a valuable lesson, one I will probably always feel guilty about. But I guess its part of mommyhood – we go through the lessons that we hope they will never have to go through!
Sigh!
Rant over (this happened 2 years ago so this was well overdue and yes, I feel much better now!)
K
Millennial Mamma Trying 
There comes a point in time when you have to make adult decisions, especially after having kids. I had to cut off a friend of over 15yrs because she was so toxic as well. Hardest thing I’ve ever done because she was like a sister at this point. We meet people for a reason.
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Reading this made me think of a friend who was on the opposit side of this. Perhaps if she had been able to read something like this she would of seen why her friend relied on her so much. (Her friend was a single mum)
I liked reading this well done 🙂
It’s hard when you have children, friends drop like flies because they don’t understand until they are in the same position. It’s a sad time. I now have very few friends.
Xx
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Thanks for your comment. It was a very sad time time indeed and yes, its amazing how easily people can drop you just because you now have a little one!
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It is a bold step to let go of anyone or anything that has become a negative factor in our lives. Well done
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Thank you so much! It was actually librating after I recovered. I would not hesitate now if I saw the signs
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I’m glad you took this step; well done mommy. It’s sad letting someone go, but it needs to be done, especially since you’re a mom now.
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Thanks Melissa! It was sad…but not surprising considering the different places we were in our lives
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I’m sorry to hear that you go through this. It is terrible. It is not bullet proof but this is what we did. My husband and I decided to choose godparents instead of godmother or a godfather. So while choosing, we considered a married couple as a unit. We made sure they would be the people who would love our child like their own, would raise our child in with same values, and would do anything to protect our child and be a great example of “marriage/unity/married life” to our son. In our case, we were blessed to have my husband’s best friend and they have been best friends for more than 15 years. And the wife as well, friends over 10 years. I love and respect them as a couple. And we witness the fruits of their lives. So if I may, I advice that you and your husband sit together and decide on Godparent thing, considering every aspect (physical, emotional, spiritual ) thinking of the deal breakers etc. I hope you can find the strength to forgive your friend. After all, no one is perfect, and we do all mistakes ❤
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What great advice and I do agree about a couple being a better bet. Being new to South Africa we have only just found friends that we trust. We have discussed it a bit and decided we also factored in elements such as the couples financial situation, relationship status (liklihood of divorce), etc. It’s a tough choice. ..
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